69 Things I Know I Know: Part 1 of 3

As is tradition, the Dingo will outline his top 69 predictions for the 2017 Thrill season between now and next week's Milwaukee Thrill Fest. Here is the first of three installments. 

1. The Broadstreet Gags will draft a dud within the first 4 rounds. 

2. Bodhi Bradshart will make it to Milwaukee, even if it means floating his way down the Brown Bayou to get there. 

3. Jamaal Charles will start for the TDU franchise for the last 8 weeks of the season, culminating in a championship game where Charles goes for 175 yards and 2 TDs. 

4. Blake Bortles will start for a Thrill league franchise in more than two weeks this season. 

5. Jameis Winston has a noodle arm. Doesn't matter whether you're watching him on Hard Knocks or in-game, his balls just float in the air and he is guaranteed for at least one moronically dumb pick a game. I would rather have Deshone Kizer as my team's QB than this Muhammed Ali-lite pinspirational "leader". 

6. The Ewbengals will turn the late nights of early fatherhood into a full blown championship run. 

7. The Ewbengals will harness the newly-gerrymandered waiver rules into his owning the wire this year. 

8. Derek Carr will throw for 4,750 yards and 30 TDs this year, with fewer than 7 interceptions. 

9. Cordarelle Patterson will break out as one of Carr's favorite receivers, greatly diminishing the role of Michael Crabtree. 

10. No Chicago Bears receivers will be drafted on September 2nd. 

11. If Cousin Dan is in fact real, the fact that he is coming to Milwaukee for less than 24 hours and also flying in and out of different airports sets him up well to have great longevity in this league. 

12. Scotty's beard will either be down to his nipples, or he will be clean shaven. Either way, the over/under on number of toilet stalls he will fall asleep in in Milwaukee is 1.5. 

13. Carlos Hyde will finish the season with 1,579 rushing yards and 13 TDs. 

14. Mike Tolbert will vulture at least 7 LeSean McCoy touchdowns this year, while McCoy himself will miss at least four weeks at some stage throughout the season. 

15. Derrick Henry is the running back to own in the Titans backfield. 

16. Despite this, neither he nor DeMarco Murray will lead Tennessee in rushing TDs. That honor will go to Marcus Mariota. 

17. Greg Olsen will finish the year with record lows in receptions, targets, yards and TDs. 

18. This will be precipitated not by a Christian McCaffrey breakout, but by a bounce back by none other than...Kelvin Benjamin. 

19. Eli Manning will be a top 10 fantasy QB in 2017. 

20. The Broadstreet Gags will use their first round pick to draft none other than Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr. 

21. Tamul Toe will threaten the Gags with physical violence, before a tense trade is worked out to send Rodgers + draft picks to the Gags for Brady. 

22. Eddie Lacy will not win the backfield battle for the Seahawks. 

23. That battle will be won by...Chris Carson.