Meet Your Thrill 2017
THRILL LEAGUE franchises
2017-2018 SEASON
Get to know your Thrill Leaguers like never before.
The Ewbungals
The commish, the legend, the "Chief People Officer," the grandfather, the laughing buddha, the dynamo, the Frankie-Go-Lightly, the doyen, the creator and traditional owners of The Dome and All Things Great. The Ewbungals are the heart and soul of the Thrill League, acting as a father figure and Toad Groomer to over 55% of league participants at some stage of their primordial evolution. Without this franchise, the Thrill would truly be gone.
Likes: Waffle House, Little Toads, VRBO, Pick 'Em
Dislikes: Primordial ooze, last year's waiver wire rules
Domes: 1 (2012)
BROADSTREET GAGS
Taking their name from the Indianola, MS high school football team, the Gags are one of five teams to lay claim to a Thrill dome (interestingly, no team has ever won the Thrill dome more than once). A perennial trader, cajoler, taunter, and liar, the Gags franchise plums the hills and valleys of the Thrill league like no other team; he's hot and he's cold, he's in and he's out, he's up and he's down, but he's never in the middle.
Likes: TRing others, roulette, falling asleep at dinner, braggadocio
Dislikes: Sour cream, offering fair trades
Domes: 1 (2013)
BODHI BRADSHART
This Texan swinger is pure dynamite between the sheets and SHITS GOLD on the field. The reigning Dome champion is looking to be the first franchise to win back-to-back titles in 2017. To do so, he will have to continue his journey along the road to recovery after suffering a serious concussion at Harrah's Casino in 2015.
Likes: Bagel Friday, glitter, champagne, Wimbledon
Dislikes: Razor, spear tackles
Domes: 1 (2016)
BRIX GLORYHOLE
Also known as "The Mule" or "WTF is that beard, Scotty" or just plain "What?", this pants-hating, tie-wearing thunderstone of a man is always a looming championship dark horse. Rarely spotted without a 46 ounce daiquiri in one hand and his pants in the other, the Chi-town local brings style, panache and a sense of urgency to any situation.
Likes: #pantslibre, Tie Tuesday, sprockets
Dislikes: People taking Eddie Lacy in front of him
Domes: 0
CREAMY NUGS
A soulful creature, Biggsy Baby is one of two members of the Thrill to have served a season-long suspension for Behavior Unbecoming of the Thrill League (in order for us to move forward, we must first look to the past). If you look to the past, you will also see a love of WRs, a filthy mustache, and a penchant for wandering the Jacksonville Beach streets at night, alone, howling at the moon.
Likes: Shower curtains, coffee beans, ironing boards
Dislikes: Cigs (JK Biggs loves cigs on Driggs)
Domes: 0
THE DUMMY CUMS
The reaction to this guy's return has been akin to Steve Ballmer taking over the Clippers from Donald Sterling: no one gives two shits about who this guy is, he's gotta be better than the last franchise owner. However, it has barely gone noticed that this is a reclamation project; "Dickbutt Kus" essentially abandoned his team in Season 3, forgetting to set a lineup in multiple weeks. Has got a long way to go to regain the trust of this league.
Likes: AirBnB, hats
Dislikes: Finishing a season with some fucking pride
Domes: 0
"Dan"
ADAM'S SECOND TEAM
According to the Broadstreet Gags, this team is owned by a 4'9" golf caddy living in Newark, New Jersey and attending Rutgers University. No living proof has ever been found of "Cousin Dan", nor will it ever be. This is just like Fight Club: they're the same person, except this is less interesting because both times it's just Adam.
Likes: Lying, existing only in people's minds, golf
Dislikes: Team name creativity, at least being of hypothetical drinking age
Domes: 0
SPIKE HILL 4EVA
The first of two LA expansion franchises this season, Spike Hill is a perennial threat to autodraft, forget to set a lineup weeks 3 - 10, but still win a championship via a strategy of drafting Chiefs players only.
Likes: Comedy, pornography, Jamaal Charles
Dislikes: Whatever bar took over that Spike Hill spot
Domes: 1 (2015)
autodraft bk comedy fest
After Creamy Nugs, the second franchise to have received and served a one-year suspension from the Thrill for Behavior Unbecoming to The League. Always good for a laugh but not good for drafting his own team because he's at the Brooklyn Comedy Festival.
Likes: Long shits, chin-ups, Instagram, Best Buds Season 1
Dislikes: Snapchat, more than one form of social media
Domes: 0
MICHAEL BLUTH JNR M.B.A. D.I.C.
The second franchise to move to L.A. this year, the M.O. for this team in 2017 will be driving incremental M.O.M. top-line revenue, profitability, and accurately forecasting his post-season demise amid a raft of injuries and poor decisions. Last seen opening a bottle of champagne that wasn't his but had emotional significance for those who weren't drinking it.
Likes: Showing up late, getting hammered, building the best team in the league but not winning any championships, the Olympics, sleeping in a button-down, Skinny Dennis coffee, Georget Strait
Dislikes: When a party ends
Domes: 0
SMTHRD, CVRD & FCKD
In his first season in the league, SMTHRD proved to the haters that he can throw down with the best of them; his week 7 battle with TDU was so vengeful that it christened the institution of H8 WK, a less-convivial, more primal version of Rivalry Week that is now a staple of the Thrill schedule. Unfortunately, that's just about all he proved -- his team was sad, poorly managed and just generally fucking hopeless.
Likes: Keeping players who are serving half-season suspensions, electrocuting himself while working on the house, H8 Week, hydrangeas, talking himself out of a trade, considering purchasing Waffle House swag but never pulling the trigger
Dislikes: Manually watering his own lawn, winning
Domes: 0
THUNDER DOWN BLUNDER
The franchise with the most to lose every year due to his erratic emotional attachment to fantasy football, the Thunder, like the Gags, are a team of immense peaks and troughs. Prone to making terrible trades, changing his mind multiple times in a minute, and swinging with whatever the last voice in his ear told him.
Likes: 75+ waiver wire moves in a season, H8 Week, winning, home run hitters
Dislikes: A static roster
Domes: 1 (2014)