The Dingo 69: #33 - #25

The season is almost here. Get ready. 

33. Nicolas Batum, SG/SF, Portland Trailblazers

Batum Raider was the most consistent performer on a dy-no-MITE Trailblazers team last year. The Frenchie pulls in boards and scores with abandon, and now, in his seventh season in a very steady and high chemistry team, has the capacity to be one of the True Cogs in your team.

32. Paul Millsap, PF/C, Atlanta Hawks

Could be ranked too low here, although Horford’s return promises to diminish his scoring somewhat. But GD did Millsap look good last year. Gets to the line, can shoot threes, distributes: the guy is an all-in-one banger with subtlety and flair (he was there!) that you usually don’t find in a big man. Don’t be surprised if he makes an even bigger leap than last year and becomes a top-12 fantasy performer.

31. Thaddeus Young, SF/PF, Minnesota Timberwolves

Can we expect Thad to put up similar numbers on his new, better team than he did on the Tankers last season? Who can say, this T-Wolves team is an absolute crapshoot. But hey, it will be F-U-N to find out! Thad is the banger who can score on this team, so expect him to see the ball a bunch, drive it into that lane and get it to the GD bucket.

30. Kobe Bryant, SG/SF, LA Lakers

Meant to rank this guy 40th (lolz!) but he sneaks up because of the bullshit nature of the rest of this Lakers roster. Injury and geriatric concerns make him a do-not-draft for me, but if he manages to stay healthy (again, lolz!), you can be sure he’s going to take a ton of shots and run this team however he wants to. Beware, drafting Kobe also has the negative aspect of meaning you have to pay attention to Lakers game which NOBODY wants to do for the next three years.

29. Dirk Nowitzki, PF/C, Dallas Mavericks

Does the Bratwurst Boiling Bavarian have one more big season in him? Will Party Parsons help or hinder the German’s production? And just how many viral videos of Dirk dancing with elves will the Mavs custom marketing team put together this holiday season? All questions will be answered in due time. I heart Dirk.

28. Kawhi Leonard, SG/SF, San Antonio Spurs

Was anyone else lucky enough to be given as a gift a Kawhi Leonard bobble-head doll last season? And if so, was anyone else un-lucky enough to have that bobble-head broken as they moved their most prized possessions cross-country over the summer?? I guess what I’m asking is, CAN SOMEONE SEND ME A NEW KAWHI LEONARD BOBBLEHEAD PLEASE?

27. Ty Lawson, PG, Denver Nuggets

I admire this guy’s solid thickness through the trunk. He’s like a fit Fatty Felton, loves to score and dish and probably eat but is working hard to KEEP OFF THE POUNDS, GD TY DON’T GO DOWN THE FATTY FELTON PATH. A dodgy hammy threatens to keep him out early, so Ty, stick on the salads through this tough period of time.

26. Goran Dragic, PG/SG, Phoenix Suns

Whenever anyone asks me about Goran and Zoran Dragic, I just smile and nod, and direct them to my battered copy of Lonely Planet Slovenia, a silent reminder that these brothers are just like their homeland: the HIDDEN GEMS OF EUROPE. Of course, Goran is a Blood Diamond and Zoran is a Cubic Zirconia, but still—hidden gems!

25. Mike Conley, PG, Memphis Grizzlies

This guy has been a fashionable pick for a point guard who’s ready to make the leap. And he could be, depending on how the Grizzlies start this season. I worry that he doesn’t shoot enough, and that he doesn’t shoot well enough. But he’s ranked here because I have faith that Memphis is going to have a stellar year behind their big bangers, and Conley will be there to cash in.